Aaaauuuugghhhh! I can't believe I jinxed myself!

I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

The day after posting my first ever post with a "successes" label — the very next day — the one and only truly well-heeled client I've pulled in over the last few years pulled the plug on the work I was doing for him. He wasn't dissatisfied with my work, he wasn't angry at my bills. But the work I was doing was just part of the big picture for him, and it wasn't necessary to continue it now.

I remember thinking as I typed out the post, "I hope this isn't like saying that a pitcher has a no hitter going." Turns out it was. It's not like I was bragging or anything. I was just tired of the blog being a downer.

There's still a chance this client could restart the engines on these projects. I'm hoping so.

In the meantime, I've got some other prospects, so I'll just keep working to sign 'em up. Oh jeez, I hope that wasn't a jinx, too!

A crushing realization: I'm on the dole.

I never applied for welfare.  That is, I never went to a government office and said I was out of work and needed money.  But I find myself on the dole nonetheless.

How?

The "Earned Income Tax Credit."  From the IRS website:

The Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC) sometimes called the Earned Income Credit (EIC), is a refundable federal income tax credit for low-income working individuals and families. Congress originally approved the tax credit legislation in 1975 in part to offset the burden of social security taxes and to provide an incentive to work. When the EITC exceeds the amount of taxes owed, it results in a tax refund to those who claim and qualify for the credit.

In other words, I last year I had so little income that, notwithstanding substantial premature, taxable withdrawals from my IRA, my tax liability was still less than the EITC, and the government is giving me the difference. 

I was expecting to owe a lot in federal income taxes because not all of my premature contributions had tax withheld.  When my tax preparer told me last week (I had an extension) that I was going to get money, I asked how that was possible.  When he told me it was the EITC, I felt bad enough, but then he added: "That's highly unusual.  I only have one or two people a year that qualify for that."  Gee, thanks for making me feel worse!

Yeah, I know that a lot of people say that the EITC is not welfare because it goes to "working people."   In other words, they claim that because it's not simply doling out money to people without a job, then it's not welfare.

But it's the government giving me money because I'm in sorry financial shape.  It's hard for me to rationalize that away as just another "tax deduction."

As with most setbacks, I am going to try to turn this into a positive.  I've never had a motivator this strong, and you can bet that if I am ever as successful as I think I have the potential to be,  I will look back on this time as a driving force. 

Back Up and Running

One of the problems with a struggling practice (beside the obvious financial hardship) is that it causes one — or causes me, more accurately — to think from time to time that if I can just make it past — X being whatever obstacle I see in my way — then things will improve. There are a couple of problems with that approach.

I'll illustrate both problems by analogizing to my first (and, to date, only) century (100-mile bike ride), in which the course ran through the Sierra foothills (but it was not the California Death Ride, which would have been impossible for me). Suffice it to say that I finished, but that I wasn't in nearly the shape I should have been.

Now, to the problems.

First, X might not go away. Because the century course ran through the foothills, there were many twisty ascents, and the view around each curve was usually obstructed by evergreens, so you couldn't usually tell what was around the next turn, let alone how far it was to the summit. If I had a nickel for every time during that ride that I looked up in exhaustion and thought, "the summit has to be around the next curve" only to find yet another climbing turn in front of me, I would have been able to retire my student loan debt a few years early. What might not go away, or at least last far longer than you think you can stand in your practice? How about a lack of business, or perhaps some personal financial setbacks?

Second, even if the X is removed (or, better yet, overcome), that doesn't mean you have long to wait before you meet the next X. My relief at reaching each summit in the bike ride lasted just until I finished coasting back to the bottom, when it was time for the next climb. So, it's not necessarily going to be smooth sailing.

These thoughts are brought to mind by the fact that I finally replaced my computer and wireless internet card. That's one X out of the way . . . I no longer have to do a lot of work on my living room computer. And I cannot even being to convey how demoralizing that theft was. I really felt I was being kicked while I was down.

So, I'm wondering what my next X will be and when it will hit. Not in a sad sack, "poor me" sort of way, but in a "I want to be prepared" sort of way.

Whatever it is, it's nothing that more business can't help.

Please, Please Stop Asking Me for Free Legal Services

Image via Wikipedia I just can't stand it anymore. Since the exceptional low point nearly three weeks ago of having my computer stolen, at least six people have asked me to represent them for free. What gives? Why do you think I would do that? I'm barely scraping by here.

If you need free legal services, call a public service organization related to your concern or call your county bar association and see if they have a pro bono panel, i.e., a slate of lawyers willing to provide free representation in the right circumstances.

Stop calling me, unless you're prepared to pay a reasonable fee. I mean it. I'm beginning to feel like I have a "kick me" sign on my back. You're going to drive me insane.

To the Thief Who Stole My Computer

Around 5:30 a.m. on August 7 — I know the time from the alarm log — you broke the window to my office and pulled out my iMac, Fujitsu scanner, USB hub and wireless broadband card, and got away before response to the alarm arrived. Those items will cost me about $2,000 to replace.

I've waited this long to post because my feelings have vacillated over the last 20 days between wishing you had severed an artery when you broke the window to get in or that my iMac might accidentally fall into the tub while you're taking a bath (sinful thoughts, I know, and ones that I fight) and just trying to brush this off and carry on. My initial post contained both sentiments — ill will toward you and a defiant "you can't beat me, I will carry on" type of rah-rah BS.

I just don't know about the rah-rah any more. I've been struggling for years, I've been busting my ass nearly around the clock the last two months bringing in some fees for a change, I'm barely feeding my family, and around $20,000 in work recently melted away. I am hanging by a very thin thread — financially, emotionally, mentally. For a few days there, I was thinking that you actually did me in.

Then, some good news. It looks like the insurance company is going to come through with replacement value for everything. So, the struggle continues - even though I am currently using that money to live on and won't be able to replace the computer for a while.